So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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