when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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