he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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