White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You need Xanax blowdarts
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
please don't ironically join a cult
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