I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
