I can feel you judging me through the phone.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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