This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
