dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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