Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
