Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
