Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
