i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize