dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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