Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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