Do you still have your period?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
