She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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