90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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