One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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