Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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