I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
