he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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