Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
