Buhtt sex?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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