i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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