wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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