Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
