A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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