Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
