our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
