that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
