i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
