The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
