he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i drank out of a bidet.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
