That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My breasts were aching with rage.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
