Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
