The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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