I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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