All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
