i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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