2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
