Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
