they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
