Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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