too bad you live with your parents still
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
