I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
