I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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