cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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