I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
