she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize