i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
