I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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