Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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