I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
