Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
