When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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