I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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