you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
