I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
