You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize