What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
