I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
