just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
