Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
