I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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