WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize