Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
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