Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
