I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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